Guides

A gentle guide

How to write a eulogy for a friend

Friends see a side of us that family often doesn't. Your eulogy can give everyone a glimpse of the person you knew.

Being asked to speak at a friend's funeral is an honour, and it can also feel strange. The family knew them for a lifetime, and you knew a different version: the one who called you at midnight, laughed at the same terrible films, or showed up when no one else did. That is exactly what people need to hear.

What to include

• How you met, and what made you stay friends
• One story that sounds like them, ideally one the family may not know
• What they were like as a friend: loyal, funny, honest, always late
• Something they taught you, even if they never meant to
• A word to their family, who are sitting in front of you

A simple structure

1. Introduce yourself and how you knew them, in one or two sentences.
2. How your friendship began.
3. One or two stories that show who they were with their friends.
4. What their friendship meant to you, and to others in the room.
5. A closing line spoken to them, or a thank you.

Lines you can adapt

• "I met [name] when we were [age], and I've been trying to keep up with them ever since."
• "Some friends become family. [Name] was one of those, the kind you call first with good news and bad."
• "If you ever needed someone to help you move house at seven in the morning, you called [name]. They'd complain the whole time, and they'd never miss it."
• "Thank you for every late-night phone call. I'll keep picking up."

Gentle humour is welcome

Friends often bring the lighter moments to a service, and families are usually grateful for them. A funny story works best when it shows something good about the person, such as their generosity, stubbornness or terrible sense of direction. Leave out anything that would embarrass them or surprise the family in a painful way, and follow a laugh with a quieter line.

If you didn't know their family well

Speak briefly to the family to ask how long you should talk, whether there are stories they'd rather you left out, and who is speaking before or after you. Mentioning one thing about their family, for example how proudly your friend spoke about their children, helps everyone feel included.

Practical help on the day

• Aim for three to five minutes, about 450 to 700 words.
• Print it in a large font and read it aloud at least twice beforehand.
• Keep a glass of water close, and let yourself pause.