A gentle guide
How to write a eulogy for a husband or wife
You knew them better than anyone in the room. You don't have to prove it. Let them see one small part of what you saw.
Speaking at your partner's funeral is something many people feel they should do and fear they can't. Both feelings are valid. You may choose to speak, to write the words for someone else to read, or to say nothing at all. Each is a loving choice.
If you decide to speak
Don't try to tell the whole story of your life together. Choose a few moments:
- How you met, and what you noticed first
- An ordinary routine that was yours: the morning tea, the walk, the crossword
- Something they did for others that you watched with pride
- What they said that you still hear
A simple structure
- Who they were to you, in one sentence.
- How your life together began.
- One story that shows who they were at home.
- What they gave to your family and friends.
- What you want to say to them now.
Lines you can adapt
- "We were married for [number] years, and I'm still not sure I ever won an argument."
- "Everyone here knew him as [name]. I knew him as the man who brought me tea every morning without being asked."
- "Thank you for choosing me, every day."
Practical help on the day
- Print the words in a large font and number the pages.
- Ask a family member to stand near you, ready to take over if needed.
- It is fine to pause, breathe, or simply stop and let someone else finish.
Common questions
Do I have to give the eulogy for my husband or wife?
No. Many widows and widowers ask a child, friend or celebrant to speak, sometimes using words the partner wrote.
How long should it be?
Two to five minutes. A shorter tribute often feels right for a partner, because so much can be said in very few words.
Can I speak directly to them?
Yes. Many people close by addressing their partner directly. It can be the most powerful moment of the service.
If you would rather not start from a blank page
Tell me about your life together, and I will write a personal eulogy for your husband or your wife from your memories, ready in about 48 hours and reviewed by me before it reaches you.
See the personalised eulogy Prefer to write it yourself? The step-by-step guide with templates is a small download.